that directly benefit from each other. In parasitic relationships two organisms are in it; the hunter and the hunted. In the perilous world of dating, parasitic relationships are quite a norm; men and women hunt down each other like the soldiers of Persia.

Hunter is gunned down
Having been a hunter myself (I convey my sincere regrets), I know how and what the poisonous arrow does to the prey and in my reformed state, would not wish for that arrow to land on anyone least of all, a close friend. Anyway, when my best friend broke news of a found love, I was excited for him because his luck buffered my hopes. But when I met Sylvia (his girlfriend) I knew we had a problem. Through many years experience I know when a girl is into a guy and Sylvia was evidently not into my pal.

I also know that sharing wise words with a soul in love is like playing guitar to a goat; you don’t expect a jig from the beast. When I spoke to my pal, I knew he was heading for the rocks. He was giving so much into the relationship yet the girl was taking and taking. He was always there for her but she was never there for him. He spent all his money, time and energy on her but she was ever too held up to see him. Sylvia was a user! It was written all over her face.

One for the money
Nobody likes being used but it’s the new fad, and it is being done for so many reasons. The common reason is sex. Men are ever guilty of this offence, but women are gradually catching up. Nowadays women too are using men to get over an ex, make up for bad sex or as a rebound tool after a break-up. Most of the time, men are okay being used for sex because they get to reap benefits without being in a relationship.

A friend once told me she doesn’t really like the boyfriend but she stays with him because he buys her nice things and provides for her. Once upon a time, women were the branded users but men are warming up to the idea. If you ask me, material lifespan in a relationship is much more short-lived than the emotional one. When a relationship is materialistic, ladies eventually age and a new hot item 20 years fresher appears on the shelf. Anyway, dating someone for the money is an age-old way to use someone.

Strategic self-made unions
The insulting thing about being used to cure someone’s bouts of jealousy, is that you feel twice as stupid; the user, exploits you to get back at the real deal he is interested in while you hang in there hoping to win your ticket to the aisle. You are a pawn in a game, either to make an ex jealous, to impress or compete with someone else. Many times I have heard people say: ``I am with X because they make me feel good about myself.” As shallow as it sounds, there are men who only date the prettiest girl or woman who goes for the hottest guy, to boost their self-esteem.

It’s no secret that you can get somewhere because of who you know and not necessarily what you do. We’ve all heard of “sleeping your way to the top”; relationships can be used the same way. You could use someone either to climb the corporate ladder or to improve self-image like the “strategic” Hollywood unions between aspiring actors and powerful producers. Some people even get-married to feign the “family man” image to the public.

Watch out for these signs
How do you know that you are being used? The easiest way to tell is when you are perpetually sorting out a financial mess, accomplishing this task or that. What are you in the relationship: a task manager? It is not fun when you and your partner are on different pages.

Bottom line is that nobody wants to be used and knowing you are just a pawn in a game is damaging to one’s self esteem.  It’s easy to know when you are being taken for a ride though; as a woman your intuition will be your first warning. Trust your intuition. It is the mind’s alert signal at the subconscious level. We all know that Karma is a bitch and in the end we all reap what we sow. Don’t use anyone if you don’t want to be used.